5:40 AM, December 17th, 2009. In a couple of hours, I’ll have all my things packed in my car. I’ll hand in my withdrawal form to the student affairs office. I’ll turn in my residence hall key as well as the key to my room. I’ll remove my John Mayer poster from the wall - more carefully this time. I’ll say good-bye to Dylan, one of the best roommates I could have ever asked for. Then, I’ll get in the car with Vin, the other greatest roommate in the world, and say good-bye to college forever.
For most everyone I know, this is Winter break. Time to see the family, take a breather and some time off. Reconnect with old friends. Take a vacation. Pause life for a little while. It’s so different for me, though. Life starts now.
Everyone’s been asking me about my “next step”. “What’s your next step, Cor?” “What’re you gonna do now?” That’s the hardest question to answer in the world. I don’t really know where to start. As much as I want to hop back in a van again and tour more of the country, I know that I have some much needed ground to cover before that ground is covered. And it’s gonna take some time. Just be patient with me, I promise, we’re gonna pull through this together.
Let me clarify before I say anything else that I don’t regret going to college. I did my best to go in with an open mind and a big heart. I won’t necessarily say I gave it my all and I won’t admit to going to every class that I was expected to. I won’t say it was the best choice of school for me. And I won’t say it was the best experience of my life. But it was an experience.
I think I’ll look back on my time spent at Purchase College as an eye-opening experience for me as a person and a songwriter. I’ve finally set my priorities straight. I’ll admit I did a lot of complaining and moaning at times when I thought I was sick of this place and just done with everything that had to do with formal education. But I had a strong support system behind me, being my parents and close friends, pushing me through with words of encouragement, constantly telling me I could do it - and I did it! I truly don’t think I would have done it without them and I know that sounds cliche but that’s just how it is.
I want to go home and get the ball rolling. My parents are giving me this opportunity to pursue this dream that often times looks crazy. And I’m sure I often look crazy to them. It takes a lot for a parent to let their child, especially their youngest & their last, take a leap of faith like this. Not many aspiring musicians my age ever get that opportunity and clearance from their parents that I have been granted and to be quite honest, I’d feel pretty selfish not taking this shot, on behalf of aspiring musicians. My parents are letting me live and they have, from what I can see, a bit of faith in me. So if I ever do “make it”, whatever you classify that as, I owe everything to them.
If you don’t know me too personally, you probably aren’t aware that my parents split when I was three years old. So, this decision took a lot of time and discussion on both sides. I took the initiative to address it to them both individually. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a struggle or a fight for dominance in the situation. Both of my parents hit common ground in explaining to me, quite similarly, that being happy is the most important thing there is and to never stick around in a situation in which you are unhappy. I’ve taken advice from them before during times I’ve felt stuck when I was younger and more naive and this was always a recurring piece of advice from them both. If there is one thing I want you to walk away with after reading this, it is that token of advice from my parents. Take it and apply it to everything you possibly can. Trust me, you’ll be a better person when you’re happy.
The future scares me and excites me altogether. And I’ve realized that more recently than ever. So, from today forward I’m going to narrow my span of time I’m looking forward to. I don’t want to be “past Corey” or “future Corey”. I want to be whoever Corey is today. My head works better when its not clouded and perplexed. I’m gonna take baby steps onto the right path instead of sprinting down the wrong one. So, if you still want me to answer that question on what my “next step” is, well, right now I’m gonna crawl back into my small, often uncomfortable extra long twin sized bed, lay my head on my pillow and call it a day. Tomorrow, well, that’s another story.
It’s Day 1.
-Cor