Is there really a modern artist who is equally or more ahead of their time than John Mayer?
Think it, write it, share it: You and The Big Picture
Have you ever found yourself driving with no destination? Talking and not reaching any point at all? Living one day after another with no purpose? There are times we fall asleep at the wheel, so to speak. Where are you going? Why? When? How? For who? They always say, “you’re missing the big…
Dream wide awake.
There are definitely choices I’ve made in my life which I wound up being not so proud of. But none make me feel as empty and useless as burning through the days. I’m guilty of being a sloth, staying up all night and sleeping entire days away, relaxing a little too much and a little too long, hardly working when I know I should be working hard. There’s a lot you can do in 24 hours. And I think of how many days I can recall not accomplishing anything or taking the initiative and the necessary steps in a task in order to meet a goal. It’s selfish, really. And also very unfair to yourself. And that is the only way I can put it. A friend of mine lost her battle with cancer the day before her 20th birthday last month. I wonder what she would do with one more day here. I bet she wouldn’t spend it in bed.
Define The Finish Line.
How many people in this room are songwriters? Okay. So I’m gonna address us on a “songwriting” level for a moment. But before I do, I want to tell you the most important piece of information that applies, not only to your musical career, but your entire life. And I’ve seen it work and I’ve seen it not work. And it’s 100% true. The #1 thing you have to do before you set out on any other goal or any other course is to define your expectations. Number one thing. On the outset of any other project, record, tour - define your expectations.
Everyone in this room wants to “make it”. But I question how you would recognize “making it”. What is “making it”? Well, what do you want to be? Who in here wants a record deal? It would be nice to have a record deal, right? We want a record deal. Okay, well, what does a record deal look like? What does “making it” look like? Do you want to sell a million copies? Two million copies? Well, okay, let’s say - selling two million copies is like selling ten million copies 10 years ago. So let’s say you say to yourself, “My expectation is that I want to be an artist and I want to put records out and I want to sell millions of copies.” If that’s your expectation - GREAT. Then, you sort of skip straight to another questionnaire. If you answered “Yes” to “Do I want to be a Pop Star?” / “Do I want to make music for as many people as possible?” - now you have to, sort of, change your game to fit the expectation. You now have to wonder about “Is your song shorter than four minutes?”, “Do you get to your chorus fast enough?”. These are things you have to absolutely do. And you also have to compromise. And you also have to “play the game”, y'know?
Who in here thinks that the public is mostly dumb? Let me tell you something. The public is about 300 million times smarter than you. The pubic is not dumb. For those of you who said “Yes, I want to be a Pop Star” and “Yes, I would like to have a record deal” and “Yes, I’d like to make this happen”, the first thing you should know is that the public is always smarter than you. If you put a song out and you go *kisses fingers* “That’s it. That’s it! Watch it go! Light the fuse, stand back! Everybody stand back! It’s gonna be a hit! It’s gonna be a hit!” And it goes like this “FFFHHHHHHHMPP (fizzles out)” - Who is smarter than who? Your big, smart pop song went nowhere. The public just told you, “Ehhh..” They’re smarter than you on that one. ‘Cause you said you had it and they said “I don’t think so”. And you didn’t have it. So they’re smarter than you. That’s what you have to deal with. They’re smarter. And by defining your expectations, if you decide that you want to be a “Pop Star” - that’s not a dirty word. “Pop” just means “popular”. Frank Sinatra was a pop star. Jimi Hendrix was a pop star. Lot’s of people were pop stars. What kind of pop star? Lot’s of people are jazz musicians. What kind of jazz musician? You could define the genre anyway you want. So, if you said you wanted to be a pop star, you have to look at your songs.
There’s also people here who are a little dishonest about what they want to be. And, I think, if you want to be famous, if you want to make music for as many people as possible - just come out and say it. Don’t say, “Ahh, I wanna be indie. I’m just gonna be an independent artist,” and really secretly wish that you wanted to be a pop star. Because from the very beginning it’s disingenuous. There’s nothing wrong with saying “I want to play music for as many people as possible - without compromising the things that I have to be as an artist.” And that’s what I’ve done. Sony Music doesn’t come into the studio when I’m making a record, but I also know what’s gonna be a hit or what stands the chance of being a hit and what just doesn’t. And it’s a level of honesty with yourself that you have to have before you hand your music out to anybody else. So that’s sort of what I want to say about expectations.
If you only recognize success as a record deal and a big, fat “Publisher’s Clearing House”, over-sized Tiger Wood’s check, and a dinner and then going to the top of the roof and screaming, “I MADE IT!” - most of you will be stunning failures. I’ll tell you right now. I didn’t do it that way. But if you define success by putting out your first record and selling 5,000 copies and going to have sushi when you say, “Yeah, I got 5,000 copies” / “When I sell 5,000 copies, I’m gonna consider this a success.” That’s the difference between people who walk this earth happy and people who walk this earth constantly unfulfilled because they never defined the finish line.
– John Mayer, 2008 Berklee Songwriting Clinic
“Who?” vs. “What?”
So, I’ve been doing some real soul searching lately. Looking back on where my life was and where it is now, for the last year and a half alone, really gives true meaning to “living and learning”. I’ve found that self-discoveries are not something that come like a light bulb suddenly illuminating above your head. In fact, they often come weeks or even months after something crucially considered occurs. For example, I never knew that I wanted to do music for the rest of my life the day I picked up a guitar. I didn’t know a year later, or even five. I think I began to “find myself” as a performer when I was 15 or 16, going out to weekly open mics at coffee houses and bar-restaurants around Long Island, signing up, and singing in front of perfect strangers. Things kind of snowballed from there. I was booking shows, pushing my own tickets, marketing myself, writing a record, tracking the record, putting out the record, marketing the record, playing bigger shows, playing out of state shows, playing sold out shows, opening for national touring acts locally, touring with national touring acts nationally - I could go on forever, but I was making pretty good time for an 18-year-old kid on the path to a career. And I was also having a great time doing it, and I still am - nearing 20.
But this isn’t about “my music career - (so far…)”. That is just an example of persistent change over an eighteen month period and where along the lines I learned a little something that pushed me to the next step. It’s funny how you can look backwards and only remember some of the cherished memories. It’s when I dissect who I was a year and a half ago that I realize all the lessons I had to learn along the way. All the people I’ve met. The floors I’ve walked across. The stages I’ve stood upon. The hands I’ve shaken. The pictures I’ve captured. The people I’ve accepted. The people I’ve rejected. The heart I broke. The heart of mine that was broken. The flights I’ve caught. The appointments I’ve made. The choice to leave some place. The choice to return to a place I once left. No matter who you are, you’re going to learn lessons along the line. Good or bad, they are all components that will make you who you are throughout and up to the very end of your life.
Self-discovery. It’s not really a question of “Who am I?” as much as “What makes me?” What have I discovered about myself? Well, we covered the music thing already. So, I’m an artist. A self-proclaimed one, but an artist at best. I’m a son. And a brother. I’m fairly independent. I’m definitely a romantic. And not the Hollywood-ized, “Prince-Charming-riding-in-on-a-white-horse, here-to-whisk-you-away-forever-and-ever” kind of romantic. More like a “It’s 3 AM, and you can’t stop crying because you don’t know why. ‘I’ll be right over.’” kind of romantic. Like the “Hey it’s Friday night and everybody’s out, but we’re in sweatpants on my couch having more fun than all of them combined” kind of romantic. Now, that kind of romanticism obviously needs to live in a world that exists between two people. Therefore, the relationship must have begun already. That is, if you’re open to it. Let’s rewind for a second. So, if I’m right (and I hope I am!), that means in order to get to that stage of comfort with someone, you would therefore have to get to know them on a more personal level. And under the surface we go!
So, what is it that you want? This varies from person to person, obviously. I’ve chalked it up, thus far, to “What do you search for?” vs. “Who do you search for?” Are you looking for a boy or a girl? Are they White? Black? Green? Are they plus-size, stick figure thin or do they fall somewhere in the middle? The interesting thing about all the above said qualities, is that they are all things neither us nor they can really control. I was born a white male. Something I had literally no control over. I was raised in a suburb on Long Island, a southeastern island of the state of New York which is just one of fifty states that make up the United States of America. Being raised here was not my choice. I was raised Catholic, though I am currently non-practicing. The country and area I live in is predominantly white-Christian. Once again, something I have no control over. I think you’re starting to get my point. I, and everyone else living on this Earth, are a result of circumstance for those things in which we cannot control. I am a result of the patterns of movement made by my ancestors that scale back centuries. And, ironically, these things that we have no control over are currently issues concerning some of the biggest social conflicts in the world.
Race. Creed. Sex. Locale. They make us different. They make us unique. Beautiful.
When the time comes for me to find a mate, ideally, I want her to be the farthest thing from me. I don’t want to marry someone who is so incredibly similar to me that we do everything alike. (Listen to the same music, like the same sports team, watch the same TV shows, eat the same foods) I want to gain from that person, appreciate their culture and learn from their livelihood. And I want to love them for who they are based on these components, not just love them for who they are. Are you following me? All I’m saying is if we are victims of our own circumstance, then we shouldn’t shut out people and opportunities based on “difference”.
Have you ever heard about some place you’ve never seen before? Some place you’ve never been? And you had this whole big picture in your head of exactly what it would be like, every little detail about it. Then you get there and it’s completely different, but not necessarily for the better or the worse. If you are one of those people who think you have it all figured out in your head and you’re gonna go to this school for so-many years and graduate with this degree and buy that house in this area and marry this “type of” girl/guy and have these many kids and that’s just how it will go, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Life doesn’t work like that. Nor does it conform in order to satisfy your every wish, hope and dream.
Personally, I feel this “ideal life”, this target system people have, is ultimately limiting. It is, in essence, deciding and dividing what you “like” and “don’t like”. You are taking a stance and making a statement. You have made up your mind before you even hit a topic. This scenario can be extremely limiting when finding a mate. Almost similar to the high school football player who only goes for the hot, blonde cheerleader and mentally blocks out the geeky brunette with the glasses in the AV club who could potentially be everything he needs. Socially? The jock and cheerleader work. But what is social status anyway? Just another man-made system in order to divide and separate people based on “differences”.
My mom told me this once: “No matter what she looks like, or what you think of her at first, always give a girl AT LEAST that one chance to sweep you off your feet.” Too many people, and I include myself in this, just write people off and block them out as quick as a second’s glance. Someone you pass while out in public. Someone you know literally nothing about, not even their name. You write them off. You mentally tag them. “Fat.” “Jew.” “Drunkard.” “Slut.” “Illegal.” “Ignorant.” “Poor." You know nothing about them. Not one thing. And already you’re throwing up one hand, turning your head as you close your eyes, saying "Nope. Not interested."
We have so many opportunities in this world to say "no”. But an even and equal amount to say “yes”.
I dedicate this to my Grandmother, Sarah Crawford. Someone who I had no control over having in my life, but I am thankful everyday and am forever be blessed to have had. R.I.P. 3/1/20 - 12/1/10
Remember..
Anything and everything that ever made an astronomical impact on the way this world turns was once an intangible, tiny idea inside someone’s head.
John Mayer with Chris Botti performing “In The Wee Small Hours” on David Letterman. 11/27/2008
The Pursuit of Happiness.
I’m really thankful for music. In the span of my “musical life”, which I would define as beginning around the age of ten or so, it has been such a bridge to my feelings and my emotions. A connection to my heart on both the listener and the composer’s end. This is how powerful music is: You can feel a connection with someone (ie: the songwriter) that is so strong, it sends a chill up your spine and goosebumps along your arm. Their voice and lyrics have become something you inhale and respond, “Yes, I identify myself with that. And it means so much to me that you know this feeling, too.” The most amazing part is that you could have never met this person. Depending on their stature in society, if they exist in the realm of “celebrities”, they may have no idea you, individually, exist on this earth. I want to stick Brooklyn-native songwriter Kevin Devine, guitar slinger John Mayer and my friend Ross in my car - and I want to just drive around. (This time of night, too.) I just want to see the conversation that spawns and floats around between our ears and mouths. And although I’ve only met John Mayer briefly and Kevin Devine is someone who I get to brush elbows with every now and then, I just know, deep in my heart, that there would be supremely awesome conversation going on inside that moving vehicle.
Driving is something most people hate. But to me, driving is like therapy. When I’m feeling anxious or worried or I just need to clear my head and get out of the house, I get in my car and just drive. I think the automobile is an incredible tool. It can take you practically anywhere. The reason I think some people hate driving is because they associate it with things they naturally don’t want to do. (ie: driving to work, doing errands, rushing, rushing, rushing…) We’re always rushing in this world. Like there’s some imaginary finish line we need to cross. Sometimes it just helps to get in the car and drive. I hope I never lose that innocence - my love for driving around aimlessly. It seems like it’s something that can fade with age. I hope I’m wrong.
I was talking with an old friend tonight. She told me this: “I just need to move already and get out of my house, I feel like a nobody…I need to be involved and I have nothing to be involved with here." The first thing I did was stop her and say, "Listen, this is not your house’s fault." She also went on to specify that she needs to be involved in a college setting. I don’t believe college is the solution to as much as people think it is. I’m not saying it won’t help you to get where you want to be, if in fact, your career / your goals / your life’s dreams typically entail earning a college degree. But if you’re anything like my friend, you’re obviously unsatisfied with a few things in your life. And I think people often times chalk it up to really plain and simple solutions that don’t necessarily equate in the end. "If I just own this car.” “If I just go to this school.” “If I just own that watch.” “If I just move to this city.” “If I just wear these clothes.” “If I just fit this mold / this image.” “If I just write the songs that will make millions.” “If I just wear my hair the way the fans want me to wear my hair.” “If my band just signs with this record label.” “If I just wasn’t this way.” And, for some reason, the equation is supposed to conclude “happiness”, which still has yet to be proven. This idea of obtaining without ever being satisfied with where you are in the present is widespread and overwhelming in our culture. I’m just not buying into it anymore.
My friend then said “I think I’m just bored, that’s all.” Well, we all get bored sometimes. I get bored a lot. I spend a lot of time alone these days. But what it comes down to is finding happiness in whatever you’re doing at the time. I know it sounds corny, but it’s true. I’m happy lying here in my bed writing this blog, listening to my “Iron & Wine” vinyl records, driving around, giving guitar lesson, being up on stage, helping others, doing yard work, etc. Even though you may initially refute the idea of having to get up and do things you don’t want to do at the moment, you need to be happy that you CAN do them. Because there is a lot to experience out there, no matter where you are. It’s normal to want a change of scenery and it’s easy for your surroundings to appear stale when you get stuck in the grooves of routine. You can cue boredom right then and there. But, please, try to search for happiness in whatever you’re doing - for all our sakes.
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” - Will Smith
What’s Spinning On CB’s Turntable; First Installment.
These are some records I recently picked up that I think everyone should give a fair listen to:
- “The Sea” by Corinne Bailey Rae
- “Home” by Jane Monheit
- “Spirit” by This Condition
- “Around The Well” by Iron & Wine
- “Bad Books” (self-titled) by Bad Books
- “Kaleidoscope Heart” by Sara Bareilles
- “True Devotion” by Rocky Votolato
- “7th Ave. Stroll” by Mark Whitfield
- “Constellation Me” by Joe Brooks
- “The Glass Passenger” by Jack’s Mannequin
- “Mr. Green, Vol. 1” by Carney
None of it matters.
“My musical experience - my musical life has never intersected with this, sort of, public application of media and press and stuff. Almost to my surprise. There were times when I felt so much heat on me from that other, sort of, glare that I went, "Are people gonna wanna come to the show? … People must be sick of pictures of me just walking around and ducking my head or hiding behind backpacks. It’s gotta be over!” And I would go on tour and there would be 25,000 people in Houston and not a single mention of it.
And I’ll also tell you this, in terms of the media: I went through an experience that killed my “super-ego”. Murdered it - dead. Stabbed 47 times. “John Mayer-”, as in John Mayer’s concept of John Mayer, “is dead.” Dead. And I miss it. ‘Cuz it was fun to be like *looks down and checks fingernails*, “I’m pretty much the shit.” But what was that? What was that image? What did I get out of that? Well, I got this sensation of people thinking I was cool. But who’s to say that even this “sensation of people thinking I was cool” was real? That just meant I went to blogs and people said, “Ahh, I like this guy.” and I’d shut it off and I went “Hey, people like me!” Or you go to a blog and they go “This guy’s a douchebag.” And you go, “Ohh.. God, I’m a douchebag.” None of it ever really mattered. And I have this new saying: If it happened on the internet, it didn’t happen. The internet’s just the internet. You don’t go somewhere on the internet. “Hey, go here on the internet!” Well, your ass is in a chair. You’re not going anywhere. So, what’s happened to me in terms of media stuff, which never killed the music, the music has never been at risk. I’ve never felt it, again to my surprise. You go on stage, you walk around. People go “I love your music!” People go “Hey, John-” and I go “Don’t tell me I- I..” and they go “I just want to tell you how much I love your music. I think you’re the best. Bye!” and I go “…Wow!”
So does that mean that what I think people think about me is always wrong? And this answer is “Yes!” What you think people think about you is always wrong. No matter how wrong it is, it’s always either a little bit wrong or all the way wrong. And all you can do, and all I can do now, *gestures to the area he is standing on the stage* is live right here. *Gestures to the audience* And right here. Not what somebody wrote and what comes up in a GoogleNews Alert. I’m not a slave to comments anymore. You know? Too many people have “comments”. And by the way, most of these people that have comments, if I ever went to their house with some sort of tracking device on what their IP number was and I’m like *knock knock knock* the door would open up and I would be expecting to see someone like this. *Head tilts and looks at ground* “Oh! Hey. What’re you nine? ..Ahh, so I heard that you said that I was a doucheba- Oh! You want me to sign that for you? … Yeah, we can get a picture!” It’s not really happening. All that matters is the people you meet, the friends you have, the lovers you have, your fans - the people who exist in your immediate space. You cannot control what happens in the ether. None of it’s real. None of it.“
– John Mayer at Berklee College of Music Songwriting Clinic, October 2008
10/10/10
I think it is perfectly normal to miss being a kid. I have a theory that everyone does. This is what my song “September” is about; the fear of growing older and losing life’s simplicity. The beauty of simplicity is interesting, in that it is something only noticed when you look back and say, “Wow, I really miss that.."
I’m not going to go into detail about what I miss specifically about my childhood, because it’s my childhood, not yours. I’m not trying to keep anything private. That would be redundant, anyway - this being a public forum.
Everything I write on here is unfiltered - and it’s totally subjective. For example, I had a lot of feedback from people who disagreed with certain aspects of my last blog, which is totally cool. In fact, I prefer to hear back from people with different angles. I don’t publish anything believing that I am speaking on behalf of all mankind. But, if you do agree with my original theory, then fill in the blank(s). Think about what you miss about the simpler times in your life. I know that might seem like a really unfair thing to do to yourself, especially if you’re someone who’s hit kind of a rough patch lately. But I feel there is a certain strength in nostalgia.
I lie here this morning on the floor of a friends apartment in Boston, MA, staring up at the ceiling as the sun begins to fill the spaces in between the vertical blinds. I’m catching my mind retreating backwards in time. 20 years flew by really quick. And I’m going to try and make something of today before I blink and another 20 pass.
The Truth.
The truth is that none of us really know anything about relationships. There aren’t enough therapists, prescriptions, “self help” authors and crystal balls in the world to cure heartbreak. And that’s O.K. because the world still spins after all is said and done. The best, and only, thing you can do is be cautious. Because you never really know. And when you finally think you know, you’re only going to feel doubly as misled when you find out later that you really didn’t know in the first place. And there’s no one to accurately put the blame on. Because when you get hurt, 99 times out of one hundred you’ll hear yourself say, “I never thought he/she could do this to me”. That’s the case, more times than not. Because, obviously, if you felt you were going to wind up getting hurt, you would have packed up your things and left a long time ago. It’s instinct.
So, where does that leave you? High and dry? Probably. Hopeless? At times. Frustrated? Definitely.
There’s no answer to the question “why” in this equation. It’s an internal debate left up to you and you alone.
Is the chase worth the catch?
CB
one forty plus: Postcard
Greetings from the land of complete thoughts and a strong sense of self worth!
A lot of you are wondering why I decided to quit Twitter. And I’m ready to explain it to you now that I’m off Twitter and can explain anything in a salient manner. It occurred to me that since the invocation of…
