I’m really thankful for music. In the span of my “musical life”, which I would define as beginning around the age of ten or so, it has been such a bridge to my feelings and my emotions. A connection to my heart on both the listener and the composer’s end. This is how powerful music is: You can feel a connection with someone (ie: the songwriter) that is so strong, it sends a chill up your spine and goosebumps along your arm. Their voice and lyrics have become something you inhale and respond, “Yes, I identify myself with that. And it means so much to me that you know this feeling, too.” The most amazing part is that you could have never met this person. Depending on their stature in society, if they exist in the realm of “celebrities”, they may have no idea you, individually, exist on this earth. I want to stick Brooklyn-native songwriter Kevin Devine, guitar slinger John Mayer and my friend Ross in my car - and I want to just drive around. (This time of night, too.) I just want to see the conversation that spawns and floats around between our ears and mouths. And although I’ve only met John Mayer briefly and Kevin Devine is someone who I get to brush elbows with every now and then, I just know, deep in my heart, that there would be supremely awesome conversation going on inside that moving vehicle.
Driving is something most people hate. But to me, driving is like therapy. When I’m feeling anxious or worried or I just need to clear my head and get out of the house, I get in my car and just drive. I think the automobile is an incredible tool. It can take you practically anywhere. The reason I think some people hate driving is because they associate it with things they naturally don’t want to do. (ie: driving to work, doing errands, rushing, rushing, rushing…) We’re always rushing in this world. Like there’s some imaginary finish line we need to cross. Sometimes it just helps to get in the car and drive. I hope I never lose that innocence - my love for driving around aimlessly. It seems like it’s something that can fade with age. I hope I’m wrong.
I was talking with an old friend tonight. She told me this: “I just need to move already and get out of my house, I feel like a nobody…I need to be involved and I have nothing to be involved with here." The first thing I did was stop her and say, "Listen, this is not your house’s fault." She also went on to specify that she needs to be involved in a college setting. I don’t believe college is the solution to as much as people think it is. I’m not saying it won’t help you to get where you want to be, if in fact, your career / your goals / your life’s dreams typically entail earning a college degree. But if you’re anything like my friend, you’re obviously unsatisfied with a few things in your life. And I think people often times chalk it up to really plain and simple solutions that don’t necessarily equate in the end. "If I just own this car.” “If I just go to this school.” “If I just own that watch.” “If I just move to this city.” “If I just wear these clothes.” “If I just fit this mold / this image.” “If I just write the songs that will make millions.” “If I just wear my hair the way the fans want me to wear my hair.” “If my band just signs with this record label.” “If I just wasn’t this way.” And, for some reason, the equation is supposed to conclude “happiness”, which still has yet to be proven. This idea of obtaining without ever being satisfied with where you are in the present is widespread and overwhelming in our culture. I’m just not buying into it anymore.
My friend then said “I think I’m just bored, that’s all.” Well, we all get bored sometimes. I get bored a lot. I spend a lot of time alone these days. But what it comes down to is finding happiness in whatever you’re doing at the time. I know it sounds corny, but it’s true. I’m happy lying here in my bed writing this blog, listening to my “Iron & Wine” vinyl records, driving around, giving guitar lesson, being up on stage, helping others, doing yard work, etc. Even though you may initially refute the idea of having to get up and do things you don’t want to do at the moment, you need to be happy that you CAN do them. Because there is a lot to experience out there, no matter where you are. It’s normal to want a change of scenery and it’s easy for your surroundings to appear stale when you get stuck in the grooves of routine. You can cue boredom right then and there. But, please, try to search for happiness in whatever you’re doing - for all our sakes.
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” - Will Smith
These are some records I recently picked up that I think everyone should give a fair listen to:
“My musical experience - my musical life has never intersected with this, sort of, public application of media and press and stuff. Almost to my surprise. There were times when I felt so much heat on me from that other, sort of, glare that I went, "Are people gonna wanna come to the show? … People must be sick of pictures of me just walking around and ducking my head or hiding behind backpacks. It’s gotta be over!” And I would go on tour and there would be 25,000 people in Houston and not a single mention of it.
And I’ll also tell you this, in terms of the media: I went through an experience that killed my “super-ego”. Murdered it - dead. Stabbed 47 times. “John Mayer-”, as in John Mayer’s concept of John Mayer, “is dead.” Dead. And I miss it. ‘Cuz it was fun to be like *looks down and checks fingernails*, “I’m pretty much the shit.” But what was that? What was that image? What did I get out of that? Well, I got this sensation of people thinking I was cool. But who’s to say that even this “sensation of people thinking I was cool” was real? That just meant I went to blogs and people said, “Ahh, I like this guy.” and I’d shut it off and I went “Hey, people like me!” Or you go to a blog and they go “This guy’s a douchebag.” And you go, “Ohh.. God, I’m a douchebag.” None of it ever really mattered. And I have this new saying: If it happened on the internet, it didn’t happen. The internet’s just the internet. You don’t go somewhere on the internet. “Hey, go here on the internet!” Well, your ass is in a chair. You’re not going anywhere. So, what’s happened to me in terms of media stuff, which never killed the music, the music has never been at risk. I’ve never felt it, again to my surprise. You go on stage, you walk around. People go “I love your music!” People go “Hey, John-” and I go “Don’t tell me I- I..” and they go “I just want to tell you how much I love your music. I think you’re the best. Bye!” and I go “…Wow!”
So does that mean that what I think people think about me is always wrong? And this answer is “Yes!” What you think people think about you is always wrong. No matter how wrong it is, it’s always either a little bit wrong or all the way wrong. And all you can do, and all I can do now, *gestures to the area he is standing on the stage* is live right here. *Gestures to the audience* And right here. Not what somebody wrote and what comes up in a GoogleNews Alert. I’m not a slave to comments anymore. You know? Too many people have “comments”. And by the way, most of these people that have comments, if I ever went to their house with some sort of tracking device on what their IP number was and I’m like *knock knock knock* the door would open up and I would be expecting to see someone like this. *Head tilts and looks at ground* “Oh! Hey. What’re you nine? ..Ahh, so I heard that you said that I was a doucheba- Oh! You want me to sign that for you? … Yeah, we can get a picture!” It’s not really happening. All that matters is the people you meet, the friends you have, the lovers you have, your fans - the people who exist in your immediate space. You cannot control what happens in the ether. None of it’s real. None of it.“
– John Mayer at Berklee College of Music Songwriting Clinic, October 2008
I think it is perfectly normal to miss being a kid. I have a theory that everyone does. This is what my song “September” is about; the fear of growing older and losing life’s simplicity. The beauty of simplicity is interesting, in that it is something only noticed when you look back and say, “Wow, I really miss that.."
I’m not going to go into detail about what I miss specifically about my childhood, because it’s my childhood, not yours. I’m not trying to keep anything private. That would be redundant, anyway - this being a public forum.
Everything I write on here is unfiltered - and it’s totally subjective. For example, I had a lot of feedback from people who disagreed with certain aspects of my last blog, which is totally cool. In fact, I prefer to hear back from people with different angles. I don’t publish anything believing that I am speaking on behalf of all mankind. But, if you do agree with my original theory, then fill in the blank(s). Think about what you miss about the simpler times in your life. I know that might seem like a really unfair thing to do to yourself, especially if you’re someone who’s hit kind of a rough patch lately. But I feel there is a certain strength in nostalgia.
I lie here this morning on the floor of a friends apartment in Boston, MA, staring up at the ceiling as the sun begins to fill the spaces in between the vertical blinds. I’m catching my mind retreating backwards in time. 20 years flew by really quick. And I’m going to try and make something of today before I blink and another 20 pass.
The truth is that none of us really know anything about relationships. There aren’t enough therapists, prescriptions, “self help” authors and crystal balls in the world to cure heartbreak. And that’s O.K. because the world still spins after all is said and done. The best, and only, thing you can do is be cautious. Because you never really know. And when you finally think you know, you’re only going to feel doubly as misled when you find out later that you really didn’t know in the first place. And there’s no one to accurately put the blame on. Because when you get hurt, 99 times out of one hundred you’ll hear yourself say, “I never thought he/she could do this to me”. That’s the case, more times than not. Because, obviously, if you felt you were going to wind up getting hurt, you would have packed up your things and left a long time ago. It’s instinct.
So, where does that leave you? High and dry? Probably. Hopeless? At times. Frustrated? Definitely.
There’s no answer to the question “why” in this equation. It’s an internal debate left up to you and you alone.
Is the chase worth the catch?
CB
Greetings from the land of complete thoughts and a strong sense of self worth!
A lot of you are wondering why I decided to quit Twitter. And I’m ready to explain it to you now that I’m off Twitter and can explain anything in a salient manner. It occurred to me that since the invocation of…
Anything is possible. That’s the lesson I continue to learn over and over lately.
It is possible to find your goals, at a young age or even much later in life. It is possible to make others see the illuminating glow of that “little light that shines inside of you”. It is possible to fall in love. It is possible to lose that love. And it is possible fall back in love, over and over again. It is possible to turn an adversary to a friend. A friend to a best friend. A best friend to a mate. It is possible to mistake calculating undertones for genuine kindness. It is possible to lose respect for someone you once admired. And it is possible to lose someone altogether.
But with every departing wound, every fleeting “has been” relationship, every “bump in the road” that turns into a 10-car pile up. Every tear, hurt feeling and bad day - you take a little something from it. A callous on your heart. Knowledge for your conscience that you will apply at a later time. And the strength to get back up and carry on like you were meant to.
Be brave, little solider. Let that little light shine.
<3 CB